I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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