I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
