no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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