i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Congratulations! We have a period
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