apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
