He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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