Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
