I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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