i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
please don't ironically join a cult
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