Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I stole a fireplace last night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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