Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
