I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
