Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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