I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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