I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm too high and old for this...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
