so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
