Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
