I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
