apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
