rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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