I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
