Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need a beard to bite.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
