It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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