i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
