Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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