I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
