worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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