the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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