honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
