It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
