so that wasnt chicken after all
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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