Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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