I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
