This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
