I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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