I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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