I looked at my own cervix.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
