Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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