hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
