You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Houston, we have a squirter
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
