The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
vagina is talking i cant
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
