If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
