Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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