I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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