Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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