I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
