they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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