Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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