Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
