I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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