I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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