Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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