dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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