I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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