i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
