This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
