got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
