I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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