I think I won the penis lottery.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
