Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
