Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
what day is it and did you see me today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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