when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
