So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
