I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
