i will never coherently bang her
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
