sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
