i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
