Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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