I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
