saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
