The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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