is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
